si replica
funny forum, jokes and rasete maaaa
-
m1a1carabine
- Stabshauptmann
- Posts: 261
- Joined: Mon Jan 11, 2010 12:04 am
- Location: Bucuresti
Gigi Becali in biserica...la un momentdat se aude o voce:
-GIGI....GIGI....
Becali ridica privirea si zice:
-Cine-i?
-SUNT EU, IISUS!
-Si ce vrei de la mine??!
-SCOATE-MI CUIUL DE LA MANA DREAPTA!
Becali se ridica, se apropie de statuia lui Iisus si-i scoate cuiul de la mana dreapta.Dupa care se intoarce la locul lui.Dupa un timp, se aude iarasi vocea:
-GIGI, SCOATE-MI TE ROG SI CUIUL DE LA MANA STANGA!
Atunci, Becali se ridica, se apropie de statuia lui IIsus si ii scoate si cuiul de la mana stanga, iar Iisus in acel moment,batand din palme:
-PLEACA DIN GHENCEA, BECALIII! PLEACA DIN GHENCEA! PLEAAACAAAA DIN GHENCEAAAA! BECALI, PLEACA DIN GHENCEA!
-GIGI....GIGI....
Becali ridica privirea si zice:
-Cine-i?
-SUNT EU, IISUS!
-Si ce vrei de la mine??!
-SCOATE-MI CUIUL DE LA MANA DREAPTA!
Becali se ridica, se apropie de statuia lui Iisus si-i scoate cuiul de la mana dreapta.Dupa care se intoarce la locul lui.Dupa un timp, se aude iarasi vocea:
-GIGI, SCOATE-MI TE ROG SI CUIUL DE LA MANA STANGA!
Atunci, Becali se ridica, se apropie de statuia lui IIsus si ii scoate si cuiul de la mana stanga, iar Iisus in acel moment,batand din palme:
-PLEACA DIN GHENCEA, BECALIII! PLEACA DIN GHENCEA! PLEAAACAAAA DIN GHENCEAAAA! BECALI, PLEACA DIN GHENCEA!
-
m1a1carabine
- Stabshauptmann
- Posts: 261
- Joined: Mon Jan 11, 2010 12:04 am
- Location: Bucuresti
CIRCULARA data de o companie straina din Romania angajatilor lor romani
Ce se intampla cand si staff-ul de natie straina din firma invata cateva cuvinte romanesti? Apare Circulara ! ... prin e-mail:
To: All Romanian Speaking Staff
Subject: Improper Language Usage
It has been brought to our attention by several officials visiting our office in Romania that offensive language is commonly used by our Romanian speaking staff. Such behavior, in addition to violating our policy, is highly unprofessional and offensive to both visitors and staff.
All personnel will immediately adhere to the following rules:
1. Words like f*tu-i, în p*la mea, p*la and other such expressions will not be tolerated or used for emphasis or dramatic effect, no matter how heated a discussion may become.
2. You will not say si-a bagat p*la when someone makes a mistake, or s-a cac*t pe el if you see someone being reprehended, or baga-mi-as, when a major mistake has been made. All forms and derivations of the verb a se caca and a se f*te are utterly inappropriate and unacceptable in our environment.
3. No project manager, section head or administrator under any circumstances will be referred to as p*la de om, cac*naru' or boul.
4. Lack of determination will not be referred to as p*lalau nor will persons who lack initiative be referred to as m*iangiu.
5. Unusual or creative ideas offered by management are not to be referred to as porcarii.
6. Do not say f*tu-ti ma-ta if somebody is persistent; do not add p*la mea, if a colleague is going through a difficult situation. Furthermore, you must not say am pus-o (refer to item 2) nor o sa ne-o traga when a matter becomes excessively complicated.
7. When asking someone to leave you alone, you must not say du-te-n p*la mea or should you ever substitute "May I help you?" with, ce p*la mea vrei?.
8. Under no circumstances should you ever call your elderly industrial partners bosorogi împutiti.
9. Do not say ia mai mereti-n p*la cu cac*tu' asta when a relevant project is presented to you, nor should you ever answer f*tu-te-n c*r when your assistance is required.
10. You should never call partner representatives as boul dracului or tâmpitu' ala.
11. The sexual behavior of our staff is not to be discussed in terms such as pi*dulica buna, f*taciosu' or homalau' lu' peste.
12. Last but not least, after reading this note, please do not say ma sterg la c*r cu textul asta. Just keep it clean and dispose of it properly.
Ce se intampla cand si staff-ul de natie straina din firma invata cateva cuvinte romanesti? Apare Circulara ! ... prin e-mail:
To: All Romanian Speaking Staff
Subject: Improper Language Usage
It has been brought to our attention by several officials visiting our office in Romania that offensive language is commonly used by our Romanian speaking staff. Such behavior, in addition to violating our policy, is highly unprofessional and offensive to both visitors and staff.
All personnel will immediately adhere to the following rules:
1. Words like f*tu-i, în p*la mea, p*la and other such expressions will not be tolerated or used for emphasis or dramatic effect, no matter how heated a discussion may become.
2. You will not say si-a bagat p*la when someone makes a mistake, or s-a cac*t pe el if you see someone being reprehended, or baga-mi-as, when a major mistake has been made. All forms and derivations of the verb a se caca and a se f*te are utterly inappropriate and unacceptable in our environment.
3. No project manager, section head or administrator under any circumstances will be referred to as p*la de om, cac*naru' or boul.
4. Lack of determination will not be referred to as p*lalau nor will persons who lack initiative be referred to as m*iangiu.
5. Unusual or creative ideas offered by management are not to be referred to as porcarii.
6. Do not say f*tu-ti ma-ta if somebody is persistent; do not add p*la mea, if a colleague is going through a difficult situation. Furthermore, you must not say am pus-o (refer to item 2) nor o sa ne-o traga when a matter becomes excessively complicated.
7. When asking someone to leave you alone, you must not say du-te-n p*la mea or should you ever substitute "May I help you?" with, ce p*la mea vrei?.
8. Under no circumstances should you ever call your elderly industrial partners bosorogi împutiti.
9. Do not say ia mai mereti-n p*la cu cac*tu' asta when a relevant project is presented to you, nor should you ever answer f*tu-te-n c*r when your assistance is required.
10. You should never call partner representatives as boul dracului or tâmpitu' ala.
11. The sexual behavior of our staff is not to be discussed in terms such as pi*dulica buna, f*taciosu' or homalau' lu' peste.
12. Last but not least, after reading this note, please do not say ma sterg la c*r cu textul asta. Just keep it clean and dispose of it properly.
Panou de afisaj in Lyon:
"SCRISOARE PENTRU BARBATI:
Prima "scoica" de protectie a testiculelor a fost utilizata in hocheiul pe gheata pentru prima data in 1874. Prima casca de protectie pentru motociclisti a fost folosita pentru prima data in 1974. Iata deci ca barbatilor le-au trebuit 100 de ani ca sa inteleaga faptul ca si creierul este important.
Semnat: o femeie."
"SCRISOARE PENTRU BARBATI:
Prima "scoica" de protectie a testiculelor a fost utilizata in hocheiul pe gheata pentru prima data in 1874. Prima casca de protectie pentru motociclisti a fost folosita pentru prima data in 1974. Iata deci ca barbatilor le-au trebuit 100 de ani ca sa inteleaga faptul ca si creierul este important.
Semnat: o femeie."
-
m1a1carabine
- Stabshauptmann
- Posts: 261
- Joined: Mon Jan 11, 2010 12:04 am
- Location: Bucuresti
Prima zi de scoala , inainte de 1989. Se face aranjarea in banci.
Invatatoarea ii chestioneaza pe boboci:
- Ionescu , ia zi-mi tu ce face tatal tau.
- Pai , tata e la o macelarie.
- Aa , Ionescu , treci tu in prima banca , sa fii mai aproape , ca poate
apreciaza taticu’… Popescu , da’ taticul tau ce face?
- Tata e la o benzinarie.
- Popescule , treci tu in prima banca si Ionescu in banca a doua. Bula ,
dar tatal tau ce face?
- Pai… tata e la Securitate.
- Ooo , treci tu Bula in prima banca , Popescu in banca a doua , Ionescu
in banca a treia. Auzi , Bula , da’ ce face tata la Securitate?
- Habar n-am , ca abia aseara l-au saltat!
......
Bula vorbea cu un om:
- Bula tu o iubesti pe mami?
- Nu ca ma bate mereu!
- Dar il iubesti pe tati?
- Nu ca ma bate mereu!
- Dar pe cine iubesti tu?
- Eu iubesc echipa de fotbal Dinamo , ca nu bate pe nimeni!!!
Invatatoarea ii chestioneaza pe boboci:
- Ionescu , ia zi-mi tu ce face tatal tau.
- Pai , tata e la o macelarie.
- Aa , Ionescu , treci tu in prima banca , sa fii mai aproape , ca poate
apreciaza taticu’… Popescu , da’ taticul tau ce face?
- Tata e la o benzinarie.
- Popescule , treci tu in prima banca si Ionescu in banca a doua. Bula ,
dar tatal tau ce face?
- Pai… tata e la Securitate.
- Ooo , treci tu Bula in prima banca , Popescu in banca a doua , Ionescu
in banca a treia. Auzi , Bula , da’ ce face tata la Securitate?
- Habar n-am , ca abia aseara l-au saltat!
......
Bula vorbea cu un om:
- Bula tu o iubesti pe mami?
- Nu ca ma bate mereu!
- Dar il iubesti pe tati?
- Nu ca ma bate mereu!
- Dar pe cine iubesti tu?
- Eu iubesc echipa de fotbal Dinamo , ca nu bate pe nimeni!!!